I've been spending a lot of time reflecting since Madeleine's birthday and can't believe that I've been a dad for more than a year. In some ways, I can't remember not being a dad-- it just seems natural that Madeleine is my daughter and is never far from my mind (Kirsten would enter "except when you are snoring and her ventilator alarm is going off.) On the other hand, it seems like yesterday that the nurse handed her to me for the first time... Just strange.
Kirsten and I have said countless times how lucky we are and I'm excited to go home to play with Madeleine every night. While Madeleine continues to do great, it is becoming apparent just how many developmental milestones Madeleine needs to clear. I have no doubt that she'll successfully navigate each milestone as they are easy when compared to the surgeries and struggles that she's already conquered. Still, from a parenting perspective its a marathon and its difficult to see the forest for the trees. I can accept that Madeleine will take longer to crawl, walk, eat, etc. but what makes it difficult is that I can't seem to identify any useful milestones and/or schedule that applies to Madeleine. I tried briefly looking over the What to Expect in Baby's first year book and that was so frustrating I almost threw it away. In some ways, Madeleine is quite advanced as she is extremely alert and interacts very well with her surroundings. From a physical standpoint, her hand eye coordination has greatly improved but she still lacks core muscles and strength that is normally found in babies as young as a few months old. In short: she's all over the developmental map and its a bit frustrating as I'm trying to understand how Kirsten and I can best help her develop.
I hope this message doesn't come across with a negative tone-- as I'm writing this I'm starting to understand better some of my frustrations and I'm making mental notes on what I need to do to address these frustrations. I'm absolutely ecstatic that Madeleine is home and is thriving and I'm glad that I can actually be frustrated by Madeleine's slow pace in life-- I would have paid millions just six months ago if you could have shown me the first two paragraphs of this post.
That's all for now. I'll do some more thinking and will post more thoughts and updates when I've cleared up things in my head. I hope you're having a good day.
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5 comments:
Brent, I hate that book!! When Sullivan was born, I read it like it was the Bible. Every month that I read it, I was so stressed out over what he wasn't doing under the "should be doing" section. And if he was doing those things, I was stressed out over why he wasn't doing what was under the "could be doing" section. I can honestly say that I don't think I have picked up the book once since Noel was born. I have no idea what she "should" or "could" be doing now, and it is much more fun just letting her develop in her own time. Now, of course, your precious little girl needs a little more prodding, but she will do it all within her own timeframe. From my OT experience, pressure and stress will only make her "stubborn up" (a totally technical therapy term, ha ha). Just let me know if you need any little tricks or advice. I really think all of us parents should get together and have a book-burning party!
Hi Brent, we would definitely follow Theresa's advice. Having seen you and Kirsten interact with Madeleine shows us that you are doing a wonderful job as parents. Perhaps you need to concentrate on successes versus milestones. From that standpoint she's accomplished a great deal. Sending our love, Jim and Donna
Ditto Theresa!!!!!!!! I hate that book, too!!!
Your daughter is amazing and will do just what Theresa said-take things at her own pace. I have to keep reminding myself of the same thing with Blake and Ella. I guess with twins it's easy to compare-not that I mean to, but sometimes it happens. Ella is doing things Blake has absolutely not interest in and sometimes I start to wonder why that is. But I have to remind myself that they are two different kids with completely different developmental progressions. I'm finding out they all do their own thing, according to their own schedule, wants, and needs. :o) Keep smiling and loving that little girl and let her know her aunt and cousins in Michigan love her dearly!!!
Going to La Leche meetings after Ivy was born brought home to me what a wide range "normal" is. When you read the baby books, it sounds like "normal" is something specific, something that goes regularly past known benchmarks. Not so. They say normal is a range, but you don't really get it until you talk to people along the range and hear the stories. "My kid never crawled, he rolled." - things like that. It gave me a lot more confidence to ignore the stupid books, and trust my own experience and that of other parents.
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